I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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