At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
