I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
