I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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