did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
