I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
