Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
