She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
