tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
