You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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