is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he shaved USA in his pubs
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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