I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
