it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
