moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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