when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
