xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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