Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
