I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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