i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
