Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
