You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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