i was born a porn star she said
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
