i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
