I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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