i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
