I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
