i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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