what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
