plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
4 words: hood of his car
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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