He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
