I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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