OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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