If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
