Betty ford says i'm here all night
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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