I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
