You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
