Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
