I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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