wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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