im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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