Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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