So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Pants are for mortals
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
