So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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