The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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