I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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