so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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