So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
