Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
