Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
