Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
