They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
