bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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