We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
