I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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