I wish I could punch you in the face.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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