The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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