he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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