he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
