he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
