He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
