Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
