she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
