Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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