You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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