Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
