Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
