I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
