I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
