now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
