i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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