I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
