just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
