Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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