dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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