whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
