I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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