It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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