Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
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