I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
