My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
