You made me cry and you don't even care
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
