I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
