you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
